he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
