omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
