Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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