Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
