I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
