Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize