Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
