is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
