Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
