Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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