I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
