were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
