I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
All I want is dick and wine.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
