Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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