I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
