So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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