Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
How external is "for external use only"?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
My ass is underappreciated
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize