How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
