i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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