You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
