Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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