Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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