did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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