so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
