It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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