well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
