if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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