Your tits are I can't wait for
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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