I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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