he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
