She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
