She is in my trunk
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
