she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
