There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
