Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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