We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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