This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
