Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
