so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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