I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
