she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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