Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
