she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize