A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
