he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
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