What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
