I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
