Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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