did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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