So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
