I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize
