Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
