Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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