He is like the real live version of the state fair..
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Randomize
