i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
