You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
