now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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