Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
