in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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