OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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