I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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