id be glad to
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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