guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
