dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize