God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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