Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
