...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
