Your tits are I can't wait for
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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