White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
