Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
