Dual....:-)
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
