dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize