heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
