I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
